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Kristen

Texas

Topics: Abortion
Area of Life Affected: Finances, Other Children

Turning My Life Around

I was 19 and had failed out of college, quit my job, racked up a ton of credit card debt, couldn’t afford my share of the rent, was in a very rocky relationship, and (I found out later) was suffering from an hormonal imbalance that causes me to have wildly fluctuating mood swings. To say I was a mess is an understatement. When I found out I was pregnant, I had just begun putting my life back together. I had just started a full time job, had swallowed my pride and begged my parents to let me live with them for 6 months so I could save up money and was starting to pay off my debt.

“I would like to say that I had some kind of deep internal struggle when I found out I was pregnant, but the truth is, I knew immediately what I was going to do.”

My parents were also able to put me on their insurance so I could see a doctor and had begun being tested to see what was going on with my body. The only thing I had left to do was break it off with the guy I was seeing. I want to say here that the guy I was seeing was not a bad guy. We were just two people with a lot of personal issues who would turn to each other for comfort, which for us, meant sex. We actually hadn’t seen each other for several weeks for a variety of reasons, so when we finally were able to be together to end things, there was no real anger or hurt feelings, it was more like “See ya around.”

For whatever reason, we decided to sleep together “one last time” and I remember insisting he use a condom, which he did. Fast forward a few weeks and I didn’t have a period. I was as regular as clockwork, so knew there was something going on and really hoped it wasn’t the obvious. I was able to schedule an appointment with Planned Parenthood, and the results came back positive.

I would like to say that I had some kind of deep internal struggle about what to do when I found out I was pregnant, but the truth is, I knew immediately what I was going to do. I had just started turning my life around and there was no way I could be pregnant, let alone have a baby. With the job I had just started, I couldn’t do it while pregnant. I moved heavy boxes, stood for long hours, and worked 10 hour days and they didn’t have any other jobs a pregnant woman could do. People often forget that the physical act of being pregnant can be a problem for a lot of women.

I contacted my ex-boyfriend and strangely enough, he really wanted me to go through with it. He was very upset that I was terminating the pregnancy and almost refused to help pay for the abortion to try and force me to have the baby. Seeing how he reacted just reinforced to me that this was not someone I wanted in my life long-term.

The entire process at the clinic was the worst part. None of the staff would look at me and none of them were remotely kind or friendly. One of the nurses even made sure that I saw the sonogram and pointed out the baby to me. The doctor never spoke to me. No one asked if anything they did was painful or if I was OK. When it was over, the doctor just walked out of the room. I had to ask the nurse if I could get up. I was handed some pamphlets and told that if I had any unusual symptoms to go to the ER and then pretty much was shoved out the door.

The next couple of weeks were awful because I didn’t know if I was OK and didn’t know who to talk to. Could I still have children? I assumed I wasn’t pregnant anymore because the symptoms I had had were gone, but I wasn’t 100% for sure. I ended up going back to Planned Parenthood and talked to someone there who answered a lot of my questions without making me feel like a horrible person.

A few years later I was engaged, working at a great job with medical benefits, and in a better place financially and emotionally when I found myself unexpectedly pregnant a second time. I also had a doctor who went over ALL my options with me without making me feel bad because I was unsure how I felt about being pregnant.

I decided to go through with that pregnancy and now have two children in their late teens. Do I regret having an abortion? No. Would I do it again? Yes. It was the best decision for me at that time in my life.

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