My second pregnancy, which was wanted very much, and for which I had tried for a long time to get, I chose to end. I had testing done early, and it had come back irregular, but at the time, my husband and I chose to continue the pregnancy because we wanted another child so badly.
“For me personally, it was something I would never do. I was wrong.”
We were sent to a specialist at 18 weeks because my OB was concerned with my blood work. The day of that scan, we received devastating news. Our daughter had fluid around her heart and her brain, and clubbed feet. It was the saddest day of my life.
They told me that her chance to survive was very small, that she would never have a normal life. Still in disbelief, we decided to have amniocentesis done, because it would further tell us what was wrong with her, and allow us to decide what to do. This was over the span of two weeks, and it was the worst time in my life.
My living daughter was only three at that time, and thankfully didn’t understand and doesn’t remember. I will tell her someday, when I feel she is ready, because it was a genetic trans-location of DNA that caused these fatal problems, and she may be forced into a scenario of this type in her future. When we received all the amnio results, the news was devastating. My unborn daughter would have no chance at a normal life, if she made it full term. Her life would have been in a hospital, attached to tubes and monitors. At that point, my husband and I decided to make the choice and end the pregnancy. Thankfully my doctor, who diagnosed this terrible news, was my angel of mercy.
She quietly left this earth on May 31, 2012. I have no regrets. I made that choice because it wasn’t just about me. She didn’t have to suffer the life she would have had. My other daughter didn’t have to suffer the confusion and struggle of having a sister with extremely special needs. Three months after this all happened, and after my husband and I were genetically tested and they told us the odds of this happening again were so small, I again was pregnant. And now I have my son.
I never thought I would be the face of abortion. I have always felt it was a women’s right to choose, but that for me personally, it was something I would never do. I was wrong. I am thankful that I had safe and effective access to end pain and suffering for all of us. I think of her everyday; we had named her Hope. And it is my hope, that sharing this with you will shed some insight into why I feel so strongly about pro-choice.