Megan

I had an abortion the day after my 16th birthday. I am 33 years old now, and it is still something that I thought I needed to whisper or hide.

“I needed a pregnancy test but had no money and couldn't drive.”

I found out I was pregnant at 15 by my boyfriend at the time. We used condoms sometimes and other times the pull out method. I did not even consider the thought that I could get pregnant. At this time we were also using drugs and alcohol rather heavily on a regular basis.

I was late. I’m never late. I needed a pregnancy test but had no money and couldn’t drive. A friend volunteered to take us to a local women’s center. I was taken back to the bathroom, where I took the test. The woman stood in the bathroom with me as we checked it and we saw it turn bright blue. I was pregnant. Tears filled my eyes and I couldn’t breathe. After getting some information we left and, true to form, I got high.

This is not mother-of-the-year award stuff. I was not ready to be a mom. I was 15 and had no idea how to make such a life decision, so I stayed pregnant and wished it away. For a couple weeks I pretended everything was fine as time ticked down. My boyfriend’s parents finally found the paper that said I was pregnant and confronted us. They were very supportive, and when I came to the conclusion I was not ready to be a mother, they were there.

I lied to my parents and everyone I knew about where I was going on the day of the appointment. I was scared and had no idea what to expect. My boyfriend and his mom picked me up in her car to drive about an hour to where the clinic was located. He played “Prince Caspian,” by Phish. It used to make me cry every time I heard it but with time heals much. We talked and read and tried to forget where we were going, but it loomed. When we got there I was surprised how unassuming the building was. I thought there would be people yelling in the streets and guards but neither, thankfully.

It was morning, and we had a long wait. I remember being anxious and hungry. We helped his mom grade papers while we waited. When my name was called, it was time. I don’t remember much. I do remember looking at the clock and seeing the doctor come in. Then I was looking at the clock again and I was in an empty room. I ached with cramps but had expected worse. It was over.

I regret lying to my family and not making the decision sooner. I will never regret my decision to have an abortion. All women out there should be able to make the decision for themselves.