Amanda

I was 15 and my mother and stepfather were recently divorced. We had moved 30 minutes away from everyone I knew (when you’re 15 without a car 30 minutes may as well be 8 hours). My mother worked all week long, leaving me to watch over my younger sister.

“My mother saved what was left of my childhood.”

My mother’s marriage had been abusive. We had 2 different stays in an abused women’s shelter during the course of their 10-year marriage. So my mother, who had this huge weight lifted off of her, started exploring her new found freedom on the weekends when my sister wasn’t home.

At first I thought spending all that time alone was great but it didn’t take long for the loneliness to set in. Then an uncle of mine started coming around. He taught me to drive, took me almost anywhere I wanted to go, bought me things. It was great. Then he started buying me alcohol and introduced me to marijuana; it wasn’t long after that when our relationship turned sexual.

I didn’t know what to do. I thought I owed him since he spent so much time and money on me. I thought if I told I would get into trouble for the alcohol and drugs. After about six months I found the courage to end our relationship but I didn’t tell anyone. I also didn’t know how traumatized I was by our relationship and I didn’t know how to deal with the trauma.

I became sexually promiscuous in a poor attempt to deal with the trauma and I became pregnant. I told my mother about the pregnancy but it would be years before I told her about the trauma that lead to the pregnancy. She encouraged me to have an abortion. I was resistant but in hindsight my mother saved what was left of my childhood.

The day of the procedure went well. It was a little painful but no worse than my periods. I had no complications and it was over in a few hours. I spent the next year healing, not from the procedure but from the trauma before the procedure. When I became sexually active again it was on my terms and I had a new found respect for my body’s ability to create life.

I am now 35, happily married, and have 3 beautiful, healthy children. Now that my children are older they know about my abortion. I have no doubt that I am the mother I am today because of my abortion. It allowed me to finish maturing before becoming a mother. It allowed me to enter motherhood when I was ready not just because my body is programmed to become pregnant.

My family reaps the benefits of my abortion every day and for that I am grateful. I am grateful for a mother who knew better than I did and who didn’t take no for an answer. I am grateful I had the legal and safe option to wait.