Allison

I am a divorced single mom, and my children were 6 and 4 at the time. My 4-year-old has significant delays, but my ex-husband and I co-parented peacefully, working as a team to address my son’s needs.

“No one knows how hard it is to raise a child better than a mother.”

I found out I was pregnant in March of 2014. I considered keeping the pregnancy, knowing that I would be the primary caregiver. My then boyfriend was not emotionally or financially prepared to raise a child with me.

I thought of how I could support four children on my own. I thought of what I would do if the child was not physically or intellectually typical. I thought of how having my attention further divided would impact my children. No one knows how hard it is to be pregnant, give birth, and raise a child better than a mother. I was making this decision for my entire family. I knew that continuing the pregnancy was not an option.

My experience obtaining a surgical abortion at 7 weeks was difficult, at best, thanks to the laws and restrictions in place in my home state. There are only two abortion clinics in the entire state, both located in the capital. Fortunately, I only live an hour away, I had the $500 cash available, and I was able to take paid leave from my job. I doubt that many women there with me that day were as fortunate. Some had to drive 5 hours one-way to get there. Others had to choose no pain control because they couldn’t afford the extra money it cost.

The clinic was packed, and we were herded through in groups with little privacy, proof that removing access to safe abortion services will never remove the need for it. I recovered at home and was able to return to work the following Monday. Afterwards, I felt a mix of intense relief and intense sadness, equally.

I went to counseling soon after to help me process my feelings about ending the pregnancy. Real or imagined, I felt judged by the therapist, so I stopped going. I continued to talk to the few friends who knew that I’d had the abortion, and they helped me cope with the conflicting feelings.

Seven months after my abortion, my mother, who has no one to support her but me, was diagnosed with Stage 3 cancer. On what would have been my due date, I sat with her for 6 hours of chemotherapy. I could not have taken care of her and my children if I had a newborn baby. I knew then with absolute certainty that I had made the right decision.

It doesn’t matter how a woman got pregnant, and it doesn’t matter why she doesn’t want to be. Abortion should be an affordable and safe option for every woman in this country.